Recently, I had the misfortune of hearing a woman’s thoughts on the world:

“You know, Shakespeare said all lawyers should be killed and the world would be better.”

I don’t remember how she said it exactly or what her fucking point was, but that’s my nearest approximation of how a poorly educated fifth grade student would say something about Shakespeare. That is how women talk and think with their brains after all — like poorly educated fifth graders.

This brings me to my point. Women don’t learn shit after 8th grade. They should be allowed to go home straightaway.

Think about it for yourself. Every time you’re in a discussion about anything from art to politics, where do women try to ham-fistedly steer the conversation? What are their remarks? 100% of the time, you’ll find them spouting some bullshit about Shakespeare or Camus (or The Classics depending on which side of the sea you’re suffering the feminine mouth), but it’s all the fucking same. It’s all shit you were required to learn to pass the eighth fucking grade.

Quoting shit that is required learning at some point in everyone’s life only makes you look smart if you’re in the fucking Congo — not at my house. Does demonstrating the proper use of a lighter or a mirror make you look like some kind of magical bullshit shaman? Well apparently it does if you’re a woman. Apparently that’s how it works. Everyone’s got to pretend to be fucking stupid for ten minutes while you point out the moral of Great Expectations. Fuck off.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a novelty in the 8th grade. Look at how smart I am! I can quote something from a play that was written hundreds of years ago and loosely tie it to a modern day event! Good for me! Hooray school!

Fuck school.

School is great while you’re in it, but as a man, when you’re out you shut the fuck up about it. See, women’s brains fill like baby bottles by the time they’ve hit grade eight. Sure a few might make it into the second week or so of 9th, but ultimately the smaller female mind is not built to finish public education.

It’s because of their hormones, obviously. At some point women are too obsessed with sex to concentrate long enough to learn anything new — things like learning how to read a map or balancing the checkbook, or shutting the fuck up to avoid embarrassing everyone who’s ever known you.

You know what else Shakespeare said?

“Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.”

But “As You Like It” isn’t part of the primary school curriculum is it. Fuck off.

This entry was posted under Anecdotal Evidence.