Did you know that women are atrocious spellers? It’s an obscure caveat of womankind that will usually elude detection, but I assure that it’s absolutely true.

In order to prove this I’ve compiled a short list of words that women have historically suffered only complete and disastrous failure when attempting to spell. Here is the list:

Chevrolet
bullion
kernels
sandwich
duct tape
beans
trophy

If you want to see this phenomenon in action (and have quite a good laugh at the absurd letters women will attempt to piece together in desperation) prepare yourself for quite a struggle. You see when asked to do things that they are no good at (ie, driving, thinking that does not involve puppies or how much they hate their best friends) women will defer the task immediately to the nearest man. This includes spelling.

Since it is part of our nature to be of assistance — to be constructive and positive at all times (probably because we know so much about so many fucking things), this ploy will work one hundred percent of the time. It’s typical woman manipulation though and nothing else.

I tested woman’s inability to spell properly in the real world by asking a group of ten women to spell the word foundation, which I learned had something to do with make-up completely by accident in an episode of CSI. I felt that this word-familiarity would give women the manufactured advantage that they so desperately need and crave in every fucking thing that they do.

My results not only proved conclusively that women cannot spell, but also that women will refuse to do any task that they cannot.

Now that we say for certain that men are better than women at spelling as well as everything else, I think as men it is our duty as the superior spellers par excellence to save women the disgrace and humiliation of having to clumsily defer any such spelling requests.

To a woman, the alphabet and its inner workings are like the mysteries of a Jack in the Box in the eyes of a child.

This entry was posted under Doings and Dealings.