Men, on the whole, are a race of funny mans. We joke and are good at joking because it makes us feel good. It makes everyone feel good. Laughing is for pleasure. But just like half of an Oreo cookie, there is a dark side to comedy: sarcasm.

Men wield sarcasm with extreme prejudice. Lining up a battalion of facts to decimate their opponents’ defenses and bullshit and then toppling their Saddam like statue of dignity with a cutting sarcastic remark.

Women do not.

Women handling sarcasm is like a viking charging into battle with a giant salami. Dumb and embarassing.

One of the biggest problems with women and sarcasm is they use it too much. Men know that sarcasm overuse makes one look simple and petulant, but women seem to have no problem with that. That’s because women enjoy looking ill-tempered and brackish. They think it empowers them and makes them look interesting while they actually have nothing to offer. That’s why they’re sarcastic as often as fucking possible.

Women also cannot be sarcastic properly because, like usual, they don’t understand what they’re trying to use. Just like when they’re trying to work a car or a computer or a menu, absolutely anything might happen if there isn’t a man there to call the shots — anything, but the right thing that is.

The key to sarcasm is the implication of a series of events that would allow the sarcastic remark to be true. Let’s take this sarcastic remark as an example: women make great voters.

Truly absurd indeed, but why does it work as sarcasm?

As men, the moment we hear that statement, we suspend our disbelief and imagine it to be true for just a second. That’s why we’re so good at being compassionate, because unlike women we can imagine ourselves in another’s shoes. After all, we men did invent diplomacy and peace treaties.

For the statement to be true, a great voter would have to be defined as someone who votes with their hormones or based on manic ravings that they heard from their friends. That is where the sarcasm hits us, when we see it was a trick all along to lead us to the true nature of the woman voter. Well done, I say.

Women can’t be sarcastic because they don’t think anything they say is true anyway. Whether it’s ‘I’m good at something’, ‘I love you’, or ‘I didn’t mean to fuck that up for the sixth time’. That’s why women are shitty at sarcasm, because in a way, everything they say is sarcastic.

This entry was posted under Doings and Dealings.