Men, even you may find some terms on this site that you are not familiar with. Indeed, most of them are terms that I have invented in order to more vividly describe traits of men and their greatness where no such word existed to my satisfaction. Invention is a very man thing to do after all.

You men may know the definitions to these new words inherently — something that men have a unique ability to do. It is simply for the sake of completeness that I define them here.

1. com·plete·ly mas·cu·line ku·dos

   Kudos should never be said by any man ever — except to tell other men that they should never say it. Doing so will result in a freefall loss of Man Points from which there may be no return. That is why I have devised a completely masculine version of the dreaded K word, which I call completely masculine kudos. When saying it, you are simultaneously reinforcing and spreading the stigma of the old while promoting and bolstering yourself as a man. You are a pioneer and you are letting everyone know that you don’t take any kind of bullshit.

2. man·jo

   Manjo is the shuck and jive of a man. Manjo is the cut of a man’s jib. Most importantly, manjo is the way a man moves and speaks to keep women clueless and guessing like a magician at children’s party. Women have no mastery of language, so their own Madlib style of grammar can often be used against them for purposes of befuddlement. Let me give an example.

   She says: “Why can’t I buy this purse? You bought a classic GTO for $22,000 just last week.”
   He says: “The thing about that is that’s it’s an investment.”
   She says: “Oh.”

   Now that’s some good ass manjo.

3. man·tas·tic

   This is a word I use often — and for good reason. It’s for those of us who would like to say that something is fantastic, but feel strangely inadequate when doing so — perhaps as though the word itself is tainted with effeminacy. Fantastic is feminine word after all. That’s why it has lost all meaning over the years. What I have done here with mantastic, is correct the mistake in the lexicon.

   Use it sparingly (unless you can handle it and I know you can because you’re a man), as the addition of the “man” prefix has bestowed an awesome power onto this brave new word.

4. man past

   Women get their granny panties in a twist about everything. Don’t try and do anything right by them because you just fucking can’t. One of their hot buttons is the inclusion of “man” and “his” in everyday words such as emancipate, manual, and especially history. If anything I don’t think terms of the masculine are in enough words.

   Take history for example. Just one masculine qualifier? With the amount the male species has done for civilization, the word for the past should be penistory. Since that could be considered lewd in some circles, I’ve invented man past as an interim term.

5. Man Zen

   Men can hold many opposing forces within themselves at the same time. It’s part of our lives since birth. For example: the urge to punch through a wall or to not. A man can also hold opposing ideas in his head at the same time. Ideas like, “maybe I’m wrong — even though I’m a man.” This is very likely not the case (and never the case when a man is speaking to a woman), but it is a precautionary measure. The ability is called a man’s Man Zen.