Women absolutely hate having sex with me. Sometimes, before the “doing it” even starts, they want it to be over. After a roll in the hay with yours truly, a woman feels dirty, degraded, disgusted, damaged, demeaned, and most importantly, sore as fuck.

They hate it. And after a week, she’ll feel even worse.

Yet years later, this same woman won’t be able to turn it down. She’ll cancel plans for it. She’ll lie to her best friends for it. Stand back. Dick Masterson is about to blow your mind with some Man Zen.

Women hate sex and are also simultaneously addicted to it. [Read more]

Greatness Comes in Inches. That’s a bit of subtle penis humor for you, but it’s also true.

Being an inch short for a roller coaster means waiting a year to try again. Missing Hitler by an inch with your 1903 Springfield sniper rifle means your kids are playing Wolfenstein with German keyboards. If the milkman had missed Lynne Spears’ vagina by an inch, there would be no Britney.

Anal is the only form of birth control shown to be 100% effective. Even abstinence failed once.

In the case of IQ, science has shown men to be smarter than women by mere inches. Even though women act like retarded monkeys, they don’t test like them. Still, what does “mere inches” actually look like? I’ll bet it’s fucking enormous.

That’s another bit of subtle penis humor for you. [Read more]

I have a Blackberry, you have a Blackberry, let’s all go have a fucking parade about it.

Or let’s just use our Blackberrys to get the job done like men.

And that’s why women should not be allowed to have Blackberrys. They don’t use their Blackberrys to get the job done. They use their Blackberrys like the morphine drip you get at the hospital after back surgery. When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button. When a woman needs a dose of attention, she whips out her Blackberry during dinner like it’s totally acceptable.

It’s not acceptable. It’s rude. Dump that bitch like an anchor.

Giving a woman a Blackberry is like giving her a permanent excuse to behave like a rude, inconsiderate pig. [Read more]

Download Dick’s Voicemail: Episode #1

If you’re a man, call 213-985-3425 and leave me a message. [Read more]

According to Amazon.com, you should purchase my book Men Are Better Than Women and Maddox’s The Alphabet of Manliness together for maximum manjoyment.

I don’t know how Amazon.com decides which books to sell as a recommended two-pack, but I know a man designed it. That’s the only way I can explain the wave of competence responsible for the manlarious comedy Man-Pack pictured above.

But that’s not all.

Since I own and have enjoyed both of these books to their fullest, I’ve put together manstructions on how you can do the same. [Read more]

Unlike the provocative headline, this podcast is not an historic meeting between myself and golden age manly man Jack Lalanne. This podcast is an interview of Jack and then an interview of myself, Dick Masterson.

Jack Lalanne invented hitting the treadmill.

But if you’re not interested in hearing from Jack Lalanne, load the interview’s main page and fast forward to the halfway mark. That’s where my interview starts.

The Interview’s Main Page

Webmaster Radio
Fitness Guru Jack Lalanne Jack Lalanne, the God father of physical fitness, talks about his career, 50 plus year marriage and his 75 years of doing physical fitness, plus he talks about his new book Physical Fitness. Show Host: Daron Babin Show: RainMaker Channel: Entertainment

Since the idea of a dowry went extinct, men have been under fire from women for one thing more than any other: a phobia of commitment. Like stuck walruses, women scream that men have a fear of commitment; a fear that is childish and in constant odds with our biological impulse to screw anything that walks.

That’s bullshit.

Men love commitment. [Read more]

Throughout history, musical prodigies who were all men have revolutionized music, leaving exotic new tapestries of sound behind for the world to enjoy. That’s called immortality and it’s completely off-limits to women.

In order to join the ranks of the immortal, you have to give the world something that can’t eventually cash a social security check. Women can’t do that. As a man, reaching your potential may take longer than 9 months.

But there’s another type of musician that’s equally important to music. Bands. Even though most of them suck, most bands are not the worst of the worst. Most bands are not girl bands.

Girl bands are shit. [Read more]