Do you know why women don’t think the Three Stooges are funny? Because women aren’t funny. The Three Stooges are pretty much as hilarious as it gets.

To a woman, “funny” isn’t a special thing like it is to a man. It’s not a way to blow off steam because women don’t need to blow off steam. They usually don’t have jobs and definitely don’t have any real responsibilities, so what the fuck? Their lives are about as easy as a doormat’s.

To a woman, being “funny” just means saying something obvious and then laughing at it like a mule. [Read more]

Men are so much more considerate than women that it makes me want to start spitting all over the place. I’m a man though, so before I act, I think. I don’t just do whatever I feel like doing. In this case, I ask myself, “Hey is someone going to have to clean that up.” And if the answer is yes, I don’t do it — unless it’s going to be really funny. Then that person will probably understand. [Read more]

True story. I was walking to the store yesterday and smoking a giant Cuban cigar — as I like to do on Tuesday’s. On the way, I passed a woman who was shouting at her dog. The dog had wandered away and was ferreting through someone’s trash.

Being the helpful man that I am, I tried to explain to the woman that the dog was probably not understanding her position on the matter and that this is one of the reasons the city magistrate considers it in everyone’s best interests for dogs to be kept on leashes — to deter that kind of chaos. Everyone got together and agreed it would make the city better.

The woman made an overly-crass comment that I’m not going to repeat here because of its hateful subject matter and stormed away. I found myself asking one question as she did.

Why do all women hate gay people so much? [Read more]

It should be no surprise to men that women care as much about the environment as they care about anything else — including embarrassing themselves.

They don’t care about it at all.

Sure, when you think of the term “Eco-friendly” you might think of a bunch of obnoxious women braying on endlessly with vaguely communist catch phrases that they could never possibly understand.

Do your part.

But you also might think of how cool the old McDonald’s wrappers used to be before a man in charge changed them from Styrofoam to 100% recycled paper.

Guess which one of these actually helped the problem. [Read more]

Every man in the world knows that Father’s Day is complete bullshit. That’s why none of us bat an eye when it comes around. Men don’t like to waste their time getting bent out of shape because of a bunch of nonsense.

We men also know that if you want to do something nice for a man, you just do it. You don’t make a big fucking deal out of it. You don’t act like you deserve a prize for stopping off at Best Buy on the way home from getting your hair done and spending more of that very same man’s money on a gift certificate.

So why is Father’s Day so contrary to the man-spirit of things?

Guess what. It was invented by a woman. [Read more]

Well think again. Apparently, in addition to everything in the world, men are also better than women at not getting raped.

I know this is a sensitive subject, so I’m going to be treading more lightly than usual today. Here’s the gist of what’s going on:

All feminists are more retarded than you think and would rather women be raped in far away countries than miss a chance to flip way the fuck out and ride a high tide of feminist agenda when it’s totally inappropriate and when no one gives a shit. [Read more]

Women and their aimless bullshit and prattling are like Chinese people in China. There’s like a billion of them, there’s new ones every day, and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to count them all.

If you were going to count them though, you would have to start with one and one alone. The very seed and sole archetype of the shrill, sanctimonious feminine dogma:

Women make up for their constant drain on both society and man-patience because they can have babies.

Is this opposite day? [Read more]

Recently, women have come out en masse waving a giant banner that says:

“We don’t have equal pay yet, but we’re much closer!”

What you can’t pick up on the news unless you have a Tivo, is the fine print at the bottom of the banner that says:

“Total Bullshit!” [Read more]