If I could go back in time and invest in something that would make me millions of Pounds Sterling, it would be this:

If there’s ever any kind of man-sanctuary from women’s constant BS (bullshit), it will immediately be overrun and ruined by women.

That’s a rock fucking solid investment. And it’s been true since the first primitive man said to himself, ‘Fuck. Woman are annoying.’ Then made a crude caveman type sign that said, ‘No fucking women allowed in this cave today.’ Then found himself ass deep in women.

That’s how women operate. They’re like locusts. They have no respect for anything — especially themselves. [Read more]

There’s a hilarious show coming out this fall on ABC that I’m really looking forward to. It’s called Commander in Chief. And it’s about a delightfully mismatched pair of political pundits who get into all kinds of outrageous, wacky shenanigans.

I haven’t read anything about it, but I’m sure that’s what it’s about. The reason I know is because the show is about a woman (Geena Davis) being president. And if there’s any more fertile ground for outrageousness or shenanigan, then it’s probably got something to do with drunken Leprechauns.

Let me tell you why I will love this show. [Read more]

Men have more androgen in their systems than women. And androgen, as any biologist or man can tell you, is not only the key ingredient of awesome, but it also creates thicker more resilient skin.

But there’s another reason why women’s faces fall the fuck apart the second they hit thirty — a reason that has nothing to do with the Make-up Biologique.

It’s because twice every day of their lives, women plaster enough goo and junk on themselves to choke a donkey.

Why do they do this? What am I Mr. Answers with the answers to everything?

You bet your ass I am. [Read more]

Women love purses and shoes and all kinds of other glittery shit that wouldn’t turn the head of someone in need of an exorcist. It’s true across the board too. Don’t let any woman tell you that she’s not into it — or anything else for that matter — because she’s lying.

There isn’t a single woman alive who can resist the charm of a cheap looking handbag made by a pack of orphans in another part of the world who are whipped and starved half to death everyday while they slave away over a pair of pink flip flops with little snowmen wearing sunglasses on the bottoms. [Read more]

This is a modern man-age of incredible man-things: more sports magazines than you could read in a lifetime, services that will send you selections of exotic whiskies around the year, televisions that can go back in time, automatic pornography machines.

With all these things of fantasy available to any woman at the touch of a button, it makes you wonder. Why is it that women give such shitty presents? [Read more]

Men, I want to ask you something. How many times have you been slapped? By women I mean. How many times has a simple argument or perhaps a bawdy and hilarious joke been countered by a flagrant personal foul?

I myself have been slapped more times than I can count — upwards of eight. But in return, I have never hit anyone that didn’t deserve it.

And women never deserve it. [Read more]

Well they’ve finally gone and done it.

Hoping for the disaster trifecta, NASA has gone ahead and put a woman type in charge of the next space shuttle mission.

I don’t know what alarms me more about this — its recklessness or the fact that it opens the door for a ticker tape parade of raining equality horseshit.

I just got new shoes so probably the latter. [Read more]

It was Tuesday recently and as I like to do on Tuesdays I spent the evening on my porch with a fine cigar and a glass of that Rare Kentucky Bourbon. I was attempting to light my cigar with the entire book of matches because I had seen someone do that recently only to find that matches are more combustible than they look.

Thankfully, I was completely unharmed. However, after I stomped out the book of matches and a trash can fire I found myself thinking:

If I had just caught the house on fire, would I feel safe knowing that there’s a 2% chance my rescue could be blundered by a lady fireman?

Absolutely not, I decided. Absolutely not. [Read more]