Unlike women, men can be a whole shit load of things over the course of their lives — and all without relying on government quotas or miniskirts. To men that’s an important difference.

We can accelerate in academia for one, we can also become top businessmen in sharp looking suits, or we can simply be good parents. That’s our prerogative as men: whatever we want and however we want to do it.

However, while exercising so much responsibility, we men, from time to time, can also be wrong.

Not in the way that women are wrong, of course. The way a man can be wrong is like placing the fork and knife on the wrong side of the plate. Who cares, everyone still eats. The way that women are usually wrong is by throwing the flatware in the pool, burning dinner, and then playing the period card like its Uno.

Uno! Great. As if women have ever had more than one card. [Read more]

Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.

Men are dogs.

Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.

If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck. [Read more]

Making up his mind is one of the most powerful tools in a man’s Man Bag. With it we have put men on the moon, we have won Super Bowls even though the point spread was hugely against us, and we have cured Syphilis for all genders. A made up man-mind equals determination and determination in a man’s man-world equals progress. It’s called logic.

Part of the reason why you can open a history book and have zero chance of finding a woman on the page is that women can never make up their fucking minds on anything. Ask a woman any question at all, from what she wants for lunch to whether or not she wants to actually retire from the Supreme Court or just jerk the media around and get a bunch of women’s lib attention. Each time you ask, she’ll give you a completely different answer. [Read more]

Bobby Riggs was a man of class, honor and integrity; and he was also a fine athlete of tennis. Ranked as the best tennis player in the world at the age of 21, Riggs would go on to win consecutive singles championships in the 40’s, was inducted into the Tennis Hall of Fame in 1951 and became a household name just like Tiger Woods. He later dedicated a large part of his life to education — education about cancer, tennis, and education about men being better than women.

“Any half-decent male player could defeat even the best female players.”

That is a quote from Bobby Riggs in 1973. It was true then. It’s true today. It doesn’t even have to be about tennis. [Read more]

Did anyone know that a woman raced in the Indianapolis 500 this year? I sure as shit didn’t. For those of you who are not racing fans, the Indianapolis 500 is the biggest car race for men in America. In some circles it’s bigger than the Super Bowl, Kentucky Derby, and the Mint 500 smashed into one glorious wreck. It is a grueling, several-hour test of skill and dexterity that challenges not only one’s physical and mental stamina, but also their ability to endlessly turn left.

Turn left?

Women have been shit at that since the yellow light was invented. [Read more]

Out of all the sports, boxing is one of man’s favorites. The art of pugilism. That’s what we call it, because men give nice legitimate names to nice legitimate things like knocking someone about with your fists. That’s an art on many levels. We also know a lot about the things we like; in this case boxing. Things like reach is important and just because the ref can call the fight doesn’t mean he should. And most importantly, women can’t fucking box.

Women boxing is just like women doing anything that requires strategy, talent, and being light on your feet; a fucking calamity. It’s so bad that I have to use a word that hasn’t been used in like eighty years to describe it. Women are a calamity in the ring. Women boxing is like women dancing. Just a bunch of wild swings and awkward gyrations to an imaginary beat that dogs can’t even hear and which pretty much always ends in blood and tears. And for what?

Since women can’t box, why in the hell did I wake up to see that on October 15th, a women is going to box a man. Holy shit. [Read more]

There’s one thing that women are better than men at. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. Women are much better than men at being dumb. But for some reason this fact is hard to prove.

Every day — or thousands of times a day — women go back to abusive spouses or hit Reply To All on an office email even though the buttons are clearly fucking labeled and that is obviously not the right one to press. We men can all agree that those are equally and hugely dumb things to do. However, in this modern and woman-age of double-think and double-speak and no accountability and all other manners of female bullshit, the evidence of the kind I’ve just described is not “evidence” per se. It doesn’t get the job done. And as men, that’s what we’re worried about at all times. Getting the job done.

What we would need in order to say for certain that women are better than men at being dumb is some kind of broad study that says very explicitly:

MEN ARE SMARTER THAN WOMEN

And says so with statistics. We’re men after all. When we prove something we do it with facts and numbers of concrete, not opinions and whining like a meandering teenage girl. Unfortunately, it’s not every day that facts and numbers like these come along.

Today is that day. [Read more]

I had the extreme misfortune yesterday of watching a show on MTV called The Best Sixteenth Birthday in the World for One Hugely Spoilt Bitch or something like that. I don’t remember what it was. I was busy at the time. What I do remember was how absolutely fucking terribly the little girls on the show behaved — and by extension how all women behave in exactly the same manner. These are role models for young women after all. Research has been done for it.

What the show taught me was something that I already knew, men are better than women at throwing parties. Everyone knows that. P Diddy knows that. And it’s not just because women’s organizational skills are a cluster fuck and that they turn into raving psychos when they have to deal with the kind of stress involved in getting a few dozen baked goods at the corner market or getting a dress hemmed before Thursday. No, it’s because women have their party attitudes all backwards ass — like a mule has had a face drawn on its butt and been taught to walk backwards.

If you ever see that, that’s a woman throwing a party. [Read more]