If there’s one thing that women can’t do as well as men more than anything else, it’s be a doctor.

Men have been being doctors since the beginning of time. Thousands of men throughout history have devoted their lives to it in such a way that the wake of their mantastic sacrifices reverberate all throughout history — which is every man’s true goal.

Every woman’s true goal is to make everyone around her sorry for everything they ever fucking did. [Read more]

A woman voting on anything other than American Idol or her personal favorite type of chocolate is like watching a small child run full speed into a wall. Clearly the fundamentals are understood. The child runs, it’s going somewhere and there’s no doubt about that. The child can run. But very quickly one comes to the understanding that somewhere, somehow, the process has been perverted. Then comes the wall. Then comes the crying.

Women would vote for Hitler. Not because a woman could be talked into buying a catsup Popsicle while she was wearing white gloves, but because women are all fascists. [Read more]

It’s impossible to know which gender is the fatter. Mostly because women are so good at concealing additional bulk.

No, of course I’m joking. That’s not true at all. A large woman trying to cover herself up always ends up looking like a couch with one of those old lady doilies thrown on the top. Is that a big fat couch over there? I didn’t notice because of that dainty little scrap of lace on top.

Loss of a dozen Man Points for using the word ‘dainty’ I know, but my point is that in the case of weight, there’s no way to know if men are better than women at not becoming fat, or if men are better than women at being fat. Let me explain. [Read more]

Men are much better than women at camping. In fact, women are so bad at it, that there’s almost nothing as unpleasant as camping with a woman.

Except maybe one thing.

Camping with two women. [Read more]

If you’re pressed for time on your lunch break and you walk into your favorite restaurant only to see a teamful of broads manning the registers, just turn around and walk the fuck out because you are definitely going to be late for work. Unless you want to be late for work for whatever man reasons you might have. In that case, signal that you’d like all employees in earshot to being a round of bullshit chatting by walking up to the register and ordering.

“Hi. I’d like a cheeseburger and five minutes of giggling. Oh great. Thanks. You already started.”

From Dell to Jack in the Box, women serve customers about as well as they serve pithy, insulting remarks — very poorly. Here’s why. [Read more]

People who know nothing about science and even less about talking about it (women) say that the Y-chromosome is slowly vanishing from the human species of Earth.

That means in a billion years, there won’t be any more men. There also won’t be any more working machines, libraries, people to type women’s school papers for them, or anyone around to explain scientifically what the fuck happened to all the men. What a woman paradise that would be. No machines to get anything done, no learning or reading, no explanations for fucking anything. No responsibility or causality.

Too bad that that Y-chromosome shit is a bunch of shit. [Read more]

Men are better at being sick than women. We’re better at getting sick too, which is another point. Because nine out of ten times you do not actually need a fucking jacket when some nagging woman says you do, and that’s called being efficient any way you slice it. Any man will tell you that. From eight to eighty.

Men being better than women at being sick simply means no whining, no complaining, no hideous sweat pants, no watching fuck the libido horseshit on Oxygen all day, no cravings, no massive weight gaining for three days, no mini-vacations, no crying jags, and no moratoriums on oral sex.

Men don’t pull any of that ridiculous shit. [Read more]

Everyone knows the old saying, “Don’t let a bald man cut your hair.” It sticks because the guy’s bald and that’s funny first of all, but it’s also poignant. Having no hair of his own for who knows how long, the bald man has probably lost some of his touch when it comes to dealing with your foliculas. Or perhaps he has seen the light of the Chrome Dome — and enjoyed some of the more esoteric benefits of the bald life-style, and will now attempt to convert you without your consent. Whatever happens, you’re not getting your fucking hair cut.

Today I propose a similar saying for posterity which is based on the same theme: someone with no frame of reference, no experience, and no fucking clue at all shouldn’t be doing something that will result in the failure and sabotage of another.

Here it comes…

Never ask a fucking woman for relationship advice! [Read more]