Wasting things is pretty much the manliest thing you can do. Resources, women, food — hell sometimes I buy two lunches and throw one in the street just to remind myself of how brimmingly full my man cup is with macho maleness.

If you’ve never thrown a sandwich into the street, I highly recommend it. Unless you’re a woman. In that case you should eat it because no man wants to fuck a skeleton who can’t cook. Then do yourself a favour and hit a treadmill, you leviathan. [Read more]

Women love shopping as much as men love not shopping. You can tell because everything in the world of wares caters to a woman’s sensibilities. Walk into a department store and see for yourself. Do you see any signs anywhere? Do you see a giant neon sign that says: “Bathrooms Are Right the Fuck HERE!”? There’s also no alcohol and I guarantee you don’t know where the fucking door is. That’s because women hate that manner of shit.

The whole process of shopping is supposed to leave you drained, late, and (most importantly) feeling like you’ve accomplished something noble and epic when in fact all you did was go return some shitty presents that your girlfriend or wife (or both) gave you. [Read more]

Men are better than women at procuring loans. Bank loans, personal loans, whatever you want. Think of this situation.

A man approaches either you or a bank and asks for 10,000 dollars or pounds sterling to start a computer repair store or a restaurant.

“Sounds interesting.” You might say. “Tell me more.”

You’ll probably get an interesting answer. Now picture this scenario. A woman approaches you and says you should give her the same amount to start a bead store or a stationary store or some fucking online shit that sells crappy, hand-made jewelry to shut-ins with seven cats. Whatever it is I have a pretty good idea of what either you as a man or you as a bank as a bank would say:

“Fuck you, bitch. That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard.” [Read more]

From the point of view of a sportsman, there is nothing worse than watching children at play. Unforced errors, misunderstandings of basic rules and protocols, a complete disregard for fundamentals; all of these and more plague little leagues across the Earth. However, as a man, there is nothing more fulfilling than watching these same children playing in a league that is all their own — free to excel and set the bar as they see fit in a system that’s bent over backwards to suit them.

That’s exactly how I feel about Hilary Clinton being inducted into the Women’s Hall of Fame.

Women have a hall of fame? Isn’t that cute. [Read more]

Have you ever made beer? Probably. Your answer is “probably” not necessarily because of the question, but because you’re a man and women have brow-beaten men into answering with ambiguity over the course of several millennia.

“Yeah. This is probably me standing here. Why are you asking?”

Because why the fuck would she be asking? Ambiguity is good Manjo. Next question. Have you ever thought about making beer?

“Yes” is the answer to that. An emphatic yes. That’s because at least once in his life, every man has looked down at a glass or a pail of tasty-delicious brew and thought to himself, ‘where does it all come from?’ Just like a woman does when she looks at her thighs. I’m not sure because I have no frame of reference, but I bet the seat belts in Barbie’s Dream Mustang do not have a notch for Thunder Thighs. [Read more]

In my series of things to ask women if you’re looking for a laugh try this one. Ask a woman to define any the following words:

microcosm
oration
definition
equality
APR

Or make up your own! Pull random words from whatever a woman’s saying like I do. The fun in the game isn’t what words you know or use, it’s what words women don’t know, but use anyway. All of them. Every single fucking chance they get. [Read more]

I was recently watching some television (where a properly inspired man can learn just about anything he wants) and I learned some alarming statistics.

70% of women have never had an orgasm during sex.

That’s interesting, I thought. I would have guessed it was way lower than that because really who gives a shit? You can’t squeeze blood from a rock. Then my suspicions of data tampering were confirmed.

85% of men do not enjoy performing oral sex.

Horseshit. The correct percentage is 100. [Read more]

Men are better at using a phone than women. Unlike popular myth says.

Want to know how bad women are at using the phone?

Women using a telephone is like dropping a human invention off on an alien planet. Like a Frisbee for example. What are aliens going to do with a Frisbee? Who knows, maybe eat off of it or worship it. It doesn’t matter because what they won’t do is use it for its purpose: to throw in the air.

That’s what women are like with phones. Endless using, no purpose. [Read more]