Women are whores of many things. First of all, they are actual whores, which I’ve already proven. They’re also attention whores of course. That’s another obvious one. Then clothing whores and jewelry whores and shoe whores, but that’s all pretty much the same kind of whore — a money whore.

It comes as a major shock to me — which as a man I express in a simple, “Hmm, that’s interesting,” that women are also whores of a completely different colour.

Women are also memory whores. [Read more]

If a man is so inclined, he can learn everything he needs to know from one source: Superman. How to act, how to treat the less fortunate, how to live lies and lead double lives — it’s all there for men. That’s because Superman isn’t an alien from another planet, what he really is is the archetype for all men. Think about it.

Honor, strength, laser vision; I couldn’t pick three words that would better describe a man. That’s from Superman. Know what else is from Superman? Men are better than women. [Read more]

Love is a silly thing and also a major loss of Man Points to discuss. I, however, am going to have to shed those Man Points today as I drop the L-bomb.

Don’t worry about my Man Points though. I gained several thousand this week by drinking a beer into which some careless, anorexic, fatass shrew had discarded a cigarette.

Then I slipped her a free MenAreBetterThanWomen.com card and my Man Points lit up like a slot machine. [Read more]

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Like every other saying there is about women being great or having any skills that don’t involve wanton promiscuity, the above is complete horseshit. It’s like this. Remember when everyone was always talking about how great Krispy Kreme doughnuts were. You couldn’t make it from your car to your desk without hearing about how they melt in your mouth or the exact amount of time to microwave them before the Great Gorging — I don’t know what the analogous scenario is for women. It’s probably they couldn’t make it through an entire Oprah commercial block, while sitting on their fat asses at home, without actually downing doughnuts by the handful or at least without thinking of bathing in the doughy goodness. Who cares.

The point is that the doughnuts are good, sure, but they’re just doughnuts. Just like women and scorn. A woman may get pretty pissed off, but what can she do? She’s just a woman. [Read more]

Everyone has heard stories of people who decide at the last minute not to take a flight and then the plane crashes into a train or someone brought a pipe bomb on board or something like that and everyone dies spectacularly — everyone except the person who didn’t get on the plane that is.

Those stories are all complete bullshit and every man in the world knows it. They’re like ghosts and astrology and Elvis sightings; just a bunch of lame and obtuse fabrications of non sequitur minds that allow women to live their lives according to unreliable, intangible signs that only they can see or interpret. Like Groundhog’s Day in the dark.

Did the groundhog see his shadow? Who cares, I’m pregnant!

What is not bullshit is that I will do exactly that on one condition; I will refuse to take a flight at the last minute on one condition: if a woman is flying the plane.

The reason I haven’t missed a flight yet is because there are no women pilots. [Read more]

Once upon a time there was a shitload of penguins that lived in Antarctica. One day every year all the penguins would get together and have sex with each other. Eggs would be born and everyone knows what happens next.

The women assume that they are done, fuck off completely, go and eat to their hearts’ content while their mate starves, and don’t come back until they are so bloated on fish carcass they can barely walk. Needless to say, their demeanors have not improved.

Sound familiar? [Read more]

There was a time when women would stand on street corners for something other than prostitution. They would stand in droves and chant silly rhymes and riddles in the cold, burn undergarments — some would even hold signs proclaiming loudly to the world that women were “equal” or as “able” as a man.

It was a silly time to be sure, and it was also a much different time to today.

Women still stand on street corners for reasons other than prostitution (even though this particular one is dressed like one), but when they hold up signs they say things like:

“Need $$ for BOOB JOB.”

With that, please welcome November’s Honorary Man of the Month! [Read more]

I know I’ve already covered the topic of the fast food Drive Thru, but I’m doing it a different way this time. As a man I can do anything I want in multiple ways. That’s how we men avoid fucking things up like drunken octopi with tack hammers duct taped to their tenaculars. We try things in different ways.

The only things women can do, they do in only one way. That’s not only ineptitude, it’s laziness; and in some societies it’s called the Seven Year Itch — when men get sick of coming home from a long day at work just to have sex with a futon. [Read more]