If you want to experience the pain in the ass of a woman using your bathroom, just take a bucket of water and throw it all the fuck over the place. Then drag a wet towel all over your house.

What the fuck is women’s problem? How can they remember to close the curtain every single fucking time they take their clothes off, but not when it means turning my bathroom into Crocodile Mile. [Read more]

You know the most recent extremely popular movie rife with pandering and self-righteous entitlement bullshit that makes me fucking sick — otherwise known as a “Chick Flick”? It’s about an Asian prostitute living every woman’s dream of suffering the shame and indignity of being labeled a whore (for money and not for a house), but not actually having to fuck for her stripes.

Yea. Since you’re all men, I’m going to assume you haven’t seen Memoirs of a Geisha — just like I haven’t. That would be a huge loss of Man Points. My mother paraphrased it to me though. [Read more]

Astrology is one of the dumbest and most worthless things in the world.

Astrology is so dumb, I don’t think a man could even come up with something dumber. That’s because ten thousand years ago, or whenever it was that astrology was crapped out, a man sat down and said, “What’s the dumbest thing that could possibly be. Eureka! Astrology!”

Men invented it as a joke, and men are better than women at it.

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Women don’t actually want equality. Women are like the five year old that wants a dog for Christmas and we men are like parents. You’re not getting a fucking dog. Five year olds don’t get dogs because they have no responsibility. They’re immature. They get goldfish or Nintendo’s or other things that don’t require moments from their precious days of doing nothing.

Equality for women is exactly the same. Let me give an example.

There’s six ways to make a woman shut her fucking mouth — and you can count five of them on your hand.

I’m kidding of course. I would never advocate violence against women. Women are like television sets. They’re fun to watch, and smacking them around rarely improves their malfunction. When they start acting up and getting old on you, it’s just time to get a new one. [Read more]

This is a very special MenAreBetterThanWomen.com post about the man-meaning of Christmas, and how women pissed all over it.

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Since I began the Honorary Man of the Month program (in which an ordinary woman can honorarily have the prestige usually saved for men for a fleeting moment), I have never thought that Carmen Electra would not be among the herd.

This month she has done a man-deed by outing prostitutes worldwide while participating in a charity auction. The auctioned prize: a date with Carmen Electra. The price: high enough so that Miss December “actually felt obligated to, like, sleep with the guy.”

Brava Madam. By the way, when I said prostitutes earlier, I was talking about all women. Every single woman on Earth is a prostitute. Most are just lousy at it. [Read more]

Throughout the ages, men have become timeless legends for sharing their unique gifts with the world. Mozart was a famous piano man. Hippocrates was a famous doctor man. Richard Simmons was a famous girlie man.

The point is that no woman can claim the same. Hey how about that. I’m a rhyming man by intuition and I was not aware of the predisposition.

Sure women can become timeless legends, but it’s always for one thing and one thing only.

Being a cocksucker. [Read more]

Since the beginning of time, man has sought to cheat death by doing the dirty deed himself. Yes, that’s right. I’m talking about suicide.

While I don’t personally think suicide is the way to go, I understand the mantality of it — a mantality that can be expressed as simply as, “That’ll show the bastard.” It’s the way we men have lived and loved since Mother Earth felt her first Five Across the Eyes in the form of plowshare and a patch of turnips.

“Herd be damned,” said primitave man. “Because of my mighty mangenuity, this is where I’m living from now on. Right where I planted these turnips. And if I so chose, this is where I’ll be dying, by lifting a massive boulder and then dropping it on my head.”

You have to respect that. [Read more]