There’s a figurative “umbrella” reason that men are better than women. It’s because men are men and therefore have brains and balls and everything else that makes a man-cog work properly in the giant cosmic machine of progress. Women have only glitter and sugar for brains and other manners of shit that rot your teeth.

There’s also a literal “umbrella” reason men are better than women, and that is an actual umbrella that you hold over your head when it rains — unless you’re a woman that is. If you’re a woman, you also use an umbrella to poke everyone over 5’8″ in their goddamn eyes. [Read more]

Hey here’s a bunch of bullshit:

Men are good at focusing. Women are good at multitasking.

I had to break that woman-maxim into two sentences because not even my mighty man brain could process the fucked up logic there. It’s like trying to dump a bowl of Mueselix into a state of the art DVD player.

Women are shit at doing things — and definitely not as good as men at anything. So we’re supposed to believe that if they do a shitload of things they’re not very good at all at the same time, women suddenly turn into a one-man band with the cymbals between their legs?

Fuck you. [Read more]

Phone calls should rarely be made. And when they do, they should be terminated as quickly as possible.

All men know this because men know how to use things like telephones and band saws and eyeballs. We know how to use things because we invented them. Women using anything is like a bunch of monkeys trying to use a prop from Star Trek someone threw into the jungle. There’s just a shitload of noise and nonsense and anyone with half a brain knows none of it is going anywhere. [Read more]

“It’s okay for men to sleep around, but when women do it, they’re called sluts!”

Man do I hate talking to women.

Talking to women is like prancing around in the backyard of someone who has five Dalmatians. First of all, you’re prancing and you shouldn’t be doing that, but more importantly have you seen what five Dalmatians can do to a backyard?

You shouldn’t even open the backdoor unless you’re wearing galoshes. And that’s exactly what you need to wade through women and their endless mouth shit. [Read more]

Like every man in the world, I fucking hate cats.

Women can’t get enough of them though. Apparently women also can’t get enough of having their brains eaten parasites.

Guess what that explains! [Read more]

I love a good showboater. For those of you who don’t understand the term, showboating is a manly activity that involves behaving poorly during a victory — sometimes extremely poorly.

Hell most of sporting is based on showboating; and just like sporting itself, it takes a man to do it in anyway where it’s worth a shit.

Babe Ruth, Johnny Unitas — these are the champions of showboaters who call their monumental victories in advance with the man-confidence of legend. This week I honor Lindsey “Free Ride” Jacobellis as February’s MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month. A woman so committed to the man-principle of showboating that she pissed away a gold fucking medal for it.

Congratulations Lindsey! [Read more]

Science should be renamed as man’s best friend. Or better yet — if science could combine itself and a dog, well then we’d be talking.

We’d not be talking about those Sony Aibo’s either. Those things are pieces of crap. [Read more]

This question was sent to me by Shawn (HelpWanted) of this very site.

“Re: Action movies. What’s the deal with this new-age superwoman bullshit?”

I’ll tell you what the deal is with this new-age superwoman bullshit, Shawn. Women are fucking up and men are better than them. That’s the deal. [Read more]