Expect the Unexpected…ly Stupid

Posted in Ask Dick on July 24th, 2006

I was sent the following question by a reader Mark.

“It’s pretty much inevitable that I’m going to have to deal with woman coworkers someday. In these times where women almost always have the legal upper-hand, what advice would you give to young people entering the job market?”

Believe me I have plenty of advice for young people. I’m a man so good advice shoots out of my mouth like a bee hive packed full of honey. [Read more]

Michelle Wie Is a Big Quitter Cry-Baby

Posted in World News on July 21st, 2006

Recently woman golfing phenom Michelle Wie tried to qualify for the PGA Tour. The PGA Tour is where men go to play golf. That’s right, I said men. Wait a minute, you say, Michelle Wie is a 16-year-old woman! Doesn’t that mean she completely fucked up and most likely embarrassed herself?

Yes it does! [Read more]

When Women Should Shut the Fuck Up

Posted in Ask Dick on July 19th, 2006

People are always asking me what the qualities of the perfect wife are. Mostly men. That’s because women don’t give a fuck about what makes a perfect wife.

Have you ever seen a “romantic” comedy? I say “romantic” because what it should be is “woman” comedy — and by woman I mean “shitty” or “not a”. Those bullshit movies are all about how horrible and fucking stupid women can behave whilst the right thing to do is staring them in face like a Stop sign, and how some poor schmuck with a job that lets him loaf around town all day doing nothing can be guilted into putting up with getting fucked over for two hours and calling a spade with a shrew nose a fucking prize pig by the end of it all.

Maybe instead of romantic comedies they should be called documentaries. [Read more]

Women Think Evolution And Eugenics Are the Same

Posted in Science Says... on July 5th, 2006

Have you ever heard of a thing called evolution?

Of course you have. You’re a man and all men have heard of pretty much everything having to do with science; just ask your nearest man.

“Have you heard of such and such that has to do with science?”

“Yes. I’m pretty sure I have. Why don’t you tell me a little more about it.”

Mantastic. [Read more]

Either Shut Up or Don’t — But Please Do

Posted in Doings and Dealings on July 2nd, 2006

Women have a real problem when it comes to speaking. The problem is that they do it. If women could just keep their fucking mouths shut, they wouldn’t get into any trouble in the first place.

Say goodbye to wife battery, say goodbye to mugging probably, say goodbye to violence against women in general.

Women can’t shut the fuck up though. But you can’t ever hear them either, so what the fuck? [Read more]

Women Stop Learning in 8th Grade

Posted in Anecdotal Evidence on June 30th, 2006

Recently, I had the misfortune of hearing a woman’s thoughts on the world:

“You know, Shakespeare said all lawyers should be killed and the world would be better.”

I don’t remember how she said it exactly or what her fucking point was, but that’s my nearest approximation of how a poorly educated fifth grade student would say something about Shakespeare. That is how women talk and think with their brains after all — like poorly educated fifth graders.

This brings me to my point. Women don’t learn shit after 8th grade. They should be allowed to go home straightaway. [Read more]

Britney Spears: Not Just Jailbat Anymore (Apparently)

Posted in Honorary Man of the Month, World News on June 28th, 2006

I’ve always wanted to name a phony whore MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month. Little did I know today would be my lucky day! I guess I should have read my horoscope, but I’m not a woman so I don’t waste my time reading fucking self-fulfilling bullshit and if I did I would give a fuck about it.

Gentlemen and all the women here who behave like little girls and not ladies and are fucking forbidden from reading this anyway, may I present MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month for July:

Britney Spears. [Read more]

Why Do Women Make Shitty Musicians?

Posted in Ask Dick on June 26th, 2006

This question was sent to me by a reader and I appreciate it:

“Dick, why do women make such shitty musicians?”

I happen to disagree with the question. See, unlike women, men can disagree with things like questions and eye-rolls, even though they’re not technically statements to be disagreed with. It’s because questions and fucking eye-rolls and other bullshits are just like saying the same thing that is being implied. It’s the same.

Women always fuck that up. They think keeping their mouths shut gives them carte blanche to behave however fucking terribly they want. [Read more]