Did you know beer is from another culture? It’s true. It’s either German or Sumerian. I don’t know off the top of my head and I don’t want to look it up because that’s a huge loss of my fucking Man Points.

Do you know what else is from other cultures? Hot ladies. I’ll be damned if those aren’t two things that men don’t appreciate in spades.

That’s a triple negative, and that’s manly. Big time. [Read more]

Men are better than women at looking up.

It’s true; and I don’t mean men are better than women at being optimistic or at setting pie in the sky goals for themselves. Everyone knows that already. If women were in charge of setting goals for themselves and humanity we’d all be sitting in trees flinging shit at each other.

Actually, it wouldn’t take much for today’s modern woman to resort to that. They already go to the bathroom in packs. [Read more]

Who doesn’t love Mel Gibson? I disagree with anyone who doesn’t. Not on account of their opinion, but because they’re obviously lying.

Mel Gibson ushered in a new area and archetype of hard ass, ass kicking in movies. He’s the Nicolas Cage of the 80’s. It’s hard to believe, but a mullet would get you laughed at before Mel Gibson gave it his Man Stamp of Manproval. And does anyone besides me remember the action movie scene before Mel introduced us to Mad Max? It was awesome. Then Mel happened and all movies B.G. (Before Gibson) looked like shite.

That’s a never ending well of Man Points as I see it. Minus fifty for taking the mullet five years too far and plus a billion for showing us Sigourney Weaver is just a woman after all.

Mel may have said some inflammatory things recently. And first I want to say I would defend to the death his right to say them. Don’t forget about that.

Besides it’s all women’s fault. [Read more]

In the 50’s, women kept their mouths shut a lot more than they do today — in fact they kept their mouths shut almost all the time. Imagine that! That could be why there was so much less homosexuality in the 50’s, but I wouldn’t know. That’s not my area of expertise.

Without all that gabbing, women were able to concentrate their tiny brains on doing three or four jobs competently instead of doing all jobs worthlessly. Obviously, I’m talking about cooking, cleaning, drink-refreshening, and nursing.

Today’s modern woman is different than her 50’s counterpart. She’s fatter, she won’t shut the fuck up, she can’t cook, she’s a complete mess, drinks are out of the fucking question, and worst of all she makes a shitty nurse. [Read more]

I’m sure I’ve already covered how completely fucking stupid it is that women can walk around like slap-happy drunks; high-fiving in the face anyone who annoys them and then grinning about it like they’ve just done something good.

But what can you do about it?

The answer is: who fucking cares? Like most things women get away with, women slapping anyone isn’t a big deal. As a man, you’re likely to not even notice. Just like when a woman gets a promotion. Nothing changes because she never did anything in the first place and isn’t about to start.

Do you smack a dog who spills your drink with its tail? No. You just pour another drink and feel sorry for the stupid thing. [Read more]

A lot of people will tell you women are no good after the age of 30. It’s called a shelf life; the age at which the utility of a woman — the benefits of starting a relationship with her — no longer outweigh the staggering and nearly Herculean downsides. The second the clock strikes 12 on that fateful day, a woman’s skin wilts and her hands turn into wax paper. It’s not a pretty sight.

The real question is: is it true? Are women really that bad after 30? Should they be avoided at all costs?

No. Women’s shelf life isn’t 30. It’s 23. [Read more]

Women hate everything and anything that’s great in the world.

Drinking? Women hate the fuck out of that. That’s why they invented bullshit campaigns about drinking and driving. Where’s the MADD coalition? Mothers Against Daughters Driving. That would save some goddamn lives.

How about fun? Yea, women hate that. They hate fun so much they haven’t even figured out how to pee standing up. Men do that when they’re like two years old.

It turns out women and their Great-Hate of anything and everything great extends (like most things women do) into the realm of complete absurdity. Women also hate boobs. [Read more]

I was walking through an airport recently and I saw the following headline on a shitty magazine:

“What do Men Really Think About Boob Jobs?”

I was filled with dismay. Of course a question like this wouldn’t be on a men’s magazine. First of all, men’s magazines don’t phrase their headlines so fucking stupidly. What do men really think about boob jobs? I don’t know, why the fuck don’t you just say what they think on the front so I actually give a shit about reading the why’s and how’s. That’s called marketing, you fucks.

But that’s not the way it was. This was Oprah. [Read more]