Some people — women, have accused me of being unfair in my judgments of the “fairer” sex. They say I’m “too black and white” or “generalizing”. But what the fuck do women know? Some of them have criticized me for having “too big” of a cock. Is that even possible?

As my manvine providence so deems it, I’m going to give women the fighting chance they don’t deserve. The following is an interview with V from Violent Acres, arguably the most reasonable woman on the internet. As you will see, that’s a lot like saying you got a hell of a deal on a broken motorcycle. How the fuck is a broken motorcycle a deal? You have no idea what’s wrong with it. [Read more]

Men aren’t romantic for the same reason we didn’t invent a sport called “Drop Rocks in a Hole.”

What’s going to happen next? Is the rock going to fall in the hole? Holy shit! Who wins?

No one. It’s just like listening to a woman. Everyone loses. [Read more]

Tourette’s Syndrome is not limited to obscene outbursts and shouting. It also includes involuntary tics and gestures, which are sometimes inappropriate.

Female Tourette’s Syndrome is exactly the same; except instead of being classified as a disorder, FTS involuntary tics are classified as a huge pain in the ass.

A 5’4″ woman stabbing me in the face with the spokes of an umbrella, for example, is Female Tourette’s Syndrome. And that is a huge pain in my ass. [Read more]

I’ve mentioned Female Tourettes Syndrome in the past, and because it is one of the biggest reasons why men are better than women, I thought I would commemorate this Labor Day by expanding on the topic.

Labor Day is a very manly holiday, after all. Labor Day is why Father’s Day is bullshit. You don’t celebrate two Halloweens or two New Year’s. When compared to a day honoring labor, Father’s Day is redundant.

If there was a day dedicated to buying three times as much crap at a 50% off sale, or spilling fancy candle wax all over the carpet, then we wouldn’t need Mother’s Day. [Read more]

At a dog show, even third place is still a good specimen of dog. It might not be the best, but it’s a damn good dog. No one’s showing up at the Westminster Kennel Club with a dead monkey on a leash.

Third place at the Miss Teen USA pageant, however, is a mildly-functioning, retarded jackass.

I don’t know whether to criticize the Miss Teen USA pageant for this, or congratulate them on finding such an accurate ambassador for the female gender. [Read more]

Click below to get Dick in your Ear and listen to the podcast of this article.

The reason women gobble up Feng Shui, healing crystals, and all that other bullshit like pigs at a trough, is because their vaginas aren’t worth shit after the age of 26.

They need something to fill the gap.

Don’t believe me? When was the last time a woman over 26 didn’t lie to you about her age? [Read more]

This question was sent to me by Jordan:

My problem is inherently sexual. I am completely disgusted by American women. I am 22 years old, and I have spent the last three years avoiding sex because I refuse to allow these ugly American bitches to feel “pretty”, regardless of the benefit to me.

It’s driving me up the wall. I honestly feel that if I don’t get laid soon, I will kill myself. Any advice?

This Ask Dick question affected me deeply, as the loss of a man’s life is one of the biggest tragedies there is. Every time I see a bunch of women on television whining about some puppy mill that was just discovered in the trailer next door, it makes me want to throw a cinder block through the television.

Fuck puppies. Some man somewhere didn’t get laid today. That’s a tragedy. [Read more]

Click below to get Dick in your Ear and listen to the podcast of this article.

Women think that they somehow own rape — as though rape itself were a wedding and no man could have an opinion about it.

Actually, that was more profound than I thought it was going to be. [Read more]