Women have to work extra hard to succeed at anything.

Myth! In actuality, women simply have to show up to be successful. Take swimsuit models. That’s about the most important and meaningful job a woman can ever hope to have or aspire to. Swimsuit models don’t have to fucking do anything but show up and let a man take their pictures.

That’s the real work in modeling of course: the picture taking. The way you can tell is by looking at all the jobs in a photography session and seeing which ones men do. This rule can be applied universally. [Read more]

Dating is similar to interviewing for a job. At least for men it is. Men have to tout themselves, list their accomplishments — often more times than is necessary because women are half deaf and distracted by bullshit like neon signs they can’t pronounce.

Men list what they have to offer. They do so with a smile and then they allow a respectable time for the other party to reach a decision.

Women, on the other hand, just look cute — or slutty, depending on how old they are. I really couldn’t tell you which way it goes as they get older either; more cute or more slut. Women are more like whore-a-coasters. When they’re at an age that ends in 0 or 5, hold your arms up and say, “Whee!” because you’re in for a fucking ride. [Read more]

There’s a myth that’s been around for as long as women.

“Women can’t stand cheaters.”

Oh brother. If there’s one thing I know about women it’s that they always say the opposite of what they mean. If they tell you they’re not big eaters, bring your fucking Diners Club Card and a packet of crisps. If they tell you to roll the windows up, it means they want you to ignore them completely.

They also love cheaters. [Read more]

Remember a time in history when women didn’t trip all over themselves to be the first to talk about their dildo collection at a social engagement. Fuck. It’s getting to the point where an office birthday cake can set the harpies off on a ten minute discourse on the best boyfriend they ever had — and still do have.

I have two words for that: ina-fucking-ppropriate.

That’s two words. I just mixed them together. [Read more]

Here’s a myth that has beguiled even the most brilliant of business men over the last decade:

You have to be successful to stay in business.

Not at first obviously. Businesses can’t be like men and just start kicking ass right out of the gate like champion thoroughbred horses. Businesses are more like women — that’s why men and business go together so perfectly and why a woman can’t ever properly satisfy a business in bed. They just don’t have the right equipment: brains. [Read more]

Hey here’s a bunch of bullshit:

Men are good at focusing. Women are good at multitasking.

I had to break that woman-maxim into two sentences because not even my mighty man brain could process the fucked up logic there. It’s like trying to dump a bowl of Mueselix into a state of the art DVD player.

Women are shit at doing things — and definitely not as good as men at anything. So we’re supposed to believe that if they do a shitload of things they’re not very good at all at the same time, women suddenly turn into a one-man band with the cymbals between their legs?

Fuck you. [Read more]

“It’s okay for men to sleep around, but when women do it, they’re called sluts!”

Man do I hate talking to women.

Talking to women is like prancing around in the backyard of someone who has five Dalmatians. First of all, you’re prancing and you shouldn’t be doing that, but more importantly have you seen what five Dalmatians can do to a backyard?

You shouldn’t even open the backdoor unless you’re wearing galoshes. And that’s exactly what you need to wade through women and their endless mouth shit. [Read more]

Women don’t actually want equality. Women are like the five year old that wants a dog for Christmas and we men are like parents. You’re not getting a fucking dog. Five year olds don’t get dogs because they have no responsibility. They’re immature. They get goldfish or Nintendo’s or other things that don’t require moments from their precious days of doing nothing.

Equality for women is exactly the same. Let me give an example.

There’s six ways to make a woman shut her fucking mouth — and you can count five of them on your hand.

I’m kidding of course. I would never advocate violence against women. Women are like television sets. They’re fun to watch, and smacking them around rarely improves their malfunction. When they start acting up and getting old on you, it’s just time to get a new one. [Read more]