Sometimes, I feel like the doors of a Hometown Buffet ten minutes before it opens. Every day, dozens of fat broads line up to bust me down.

Settle down you fucking cows, they serve that shitty lasagna all day.

Today, I’m going to be talking about one of these fatsos. One who has captured my attention like a humpback whale off the coast of Big Sur. Fellows and gentlemen, meet Donna Jackson.

Today, I’m giving Donna Jackson the chance to shut down MenAreBetterThanWomen.com. [Read more]

It’s rare that a man makes a mistake. I myself have never made one. However, last week I nearly did when I named Sarah Palin my Honorary Man of the Year. Clearly, the woman above deserves that title.

However, the woman above is ineligible. Because she’s my Honorary Man of the Decade. My perfect record continues. [Read more]

I’ve chosen to honor this very manly holiday, Memorial Day 2008, in the manliest way possible.

Fuck parades. They’re for ladies. Fuck a day off work. Men love to work. Fuck a day-long war marathon on the History Channel. Every day should be a day-long war marathon on the History Channel.

To celebrate this memorial day in manful fashion, I bring you this:

Free tits.

Read more about my new project: Dick Masterson’s Classy Broads.

They told me it was impossible. They told me it was too expensive. They told me it was the stupidest thing they’d ever heard.

They were wrong.

Hold onto your man beans, fellows and gentlemen, while I present the ultimate plan for the ultimate fund raiser: The Man Billboard.

“A sure sign of the decline of an empire, is the rise of feminism.”

The first man to say that was not me, Dick Masterson. It was first said by the British army engineer and Lieutenant-General who trained the Arab Legion in 1939: Sir John Glubb. Eat shit, feminism.

Feminism is the zenith of human sloth and stupidity. Complaining won’t make men less better than women, and no amount of fact-fucking is going to reverse the age-old maxim that you can catch more flies with honey than with a shrill and obnoxious dogma. Feminism can take out its own garbage before barbecue sauce leeks all over the linoleum. I’m busy doing man things.

If hell freezes over and Hillary Clinton wins the 2008 presidency with her running mate, Senorita Vagina, then we can expect total “empire decline” as early as 2010. In order to preserve manliness against the all-consuming gash that is H. Clinton “The Queen of Swine”, I have taken it upon myself to bury a Man Capsule deep in the manliest desert on Earth. [Read more]