When I think of a man I think of several things: successful, smells great, nuclear explosions of brilliance and poignancy. When I think of a woman, I usually think of something retarded, like a mule or a donkey with no real friends who can’t drive and has a lifespan that stretches well beyond her years of usefulness.

Maybe that’s why women are always so pissed off. Donkeys are stubborn because they have hooves and can’t do anything. Women are opinionated loud-mouths for the same reason. They just don’t have the hooves. [Read more]

It’s getting closer and closer to tax time. I can feel the day coming the way I feel the coming of a bumbling fuck up some woman is about to make at my expense. Like when you’re introducing a hot new lady friend to your man mates and she’s just dying to say something fucking stupid about her dog or her roommate who no one gives a shit about.

If your life is so full of problems, hypothetical house-fat roommate, why not try something different? Maybe cut the Fun Size Cool Ranch Doritos down to three packs a day.

This is the feel of the Bogeyman coming for my money. I don’t know what’s more precious to me, my money or my Man Points. [Read more]

Two things in life are inevitable: taxes and women’s fuckups.

Holy shit! What if they’re actually the same thing?

They are the same thing! Women invented taxes. [Read more]

Yesterday, MenAreBetterThanWomen.com, the website devoted to the infinity of ways in which men are better than women — and all the no ways in which women are better or even as good as men, was brought down by the complaints of a childless harpy.

That’s the worst kind of woman: a childless one.

A woman without children is like a Lego set that comes with missing pieces, or an aborted baby someone left in the street. It’s incomplete and now it’s just a big fucking mess left there to fuck with everyone.

Want to build a cool castle that won’t have a portcullis? Or do you want some placenta on your shoe?

No. I’ll take neither. [Read more]

Are rapists who are men really that bad? Yes. They’re evil.

But are they worse than regular women?

No. [Read more]

Have you ever had sex with a woman who loves Nicolas Cage?

No you haven’t, because no woman loves Nicolas Cage. All women hate Nicolas Cage.

Nicolas Cage is so great and he knows it — that’s why. He’s also too manly for his own good. Just like moustaches, women hate anything that’s too manly. They hate it because they can’t resist throwing themselves at it for sexual gratification like sacrificial virgins.

Nicolas Cage is so manly he changed his very own name to more accurately match the ferocity of his manosity. Nicolas Cage is the second manliest man to be. Here’s why. [Read more]

I only had to watch the Colbert Report a few times to realize Stephen Colbert deserved a spot of honor among the Manliest Man Men of our day.

Please note this is not to be confused with the Manliest Man Men of all time. I don’t know who the third Manliest Man Man of all time would be. Maybe Ghengis Khan? Steve McQueen? Steve McQueen is like a super manly man wearing a kilt. He’s wearing a fucking skirt, but he’s so manly it’s called a kilt and furthermore it’s the basis for the whole Scottish culture.

The only way Steve McQueen could be more manly was if his name was Fairy McWoman. [Read more]

I heard about something called ED last night. Apparently that stands for Erectile Dysfunction and it’s a problem for some fabricated percentage of men.

It should be called SW not ED. That stands for Shitty Wife because if you have ED, there’s a 100% chance that you also have an SW or perhaps an ESW. [Read more]