Recently, I had the misfortune of hearing a woman’s thoughts on the world:

“You know, Shakespeare said all lawyers should be killed and the world would be better.”

I don’t remember how she said it exactly or what her fucking point was, but that’s my nearest approximation of how a poorly educated fifth grade student would say something about Shakespeare. That is how women talk and think with their brains after all — like poorly educated fifth graders.

This brings me to my point. Women don’t learn shit after 8th grade. They should be allowed to go home straightaway. [Read more]

Recently, I was buying some shirts, socks, and various sundries at a retail store. Of course something like this is always a major disaster for a man because at some point, there’s a good chance you’re going to have to deal with a woman.

Maybe a woman will be sitting in an aisle of the parking lot, completely blocking traffic, while waiting for another woman to load six carts of crap and two poorly behaving children into her SUV. Maybe some female-type will be asking you to register to vote or sign some dumb fuck petition for saving an animal she secretly wants to fuck.

Or maybe she’ll just be the damn cashier. In this case, she was the damn cashier. [Read more]

Women should not be allowed to walk down the street without a leash. [Read more]

Most of the time hiring a woman for anything other than prostitution is merely a dumb idea. Let me rephrase that for newcomers. Hiring a woman for anything other than using her sex appeal is a dumb idea — that’s what any job comes down to as a woman: being a prostitute.

And why not? While using her natural and only abilities, a woman can only fuck up badly enough to get fired. The fuckup is self-contained.

But what about when lives hang in the balance? Do women have any sense of obligation?

No. It turns out that they definitely do not. [Read more]

Men are better than women at crossing the street. Crossing the goddamn street.

At some point in the grand discourse of men and their being better than women, it’s not the new techniques which women employ to make spectacles and embarrassments of themselves. It’s the way their natural incompetence manifests itself in daily life. Or is that at every point in the discourse? Who cares.

Take something like a bag of shit. We can all agree that a bag of shit is a vile and bad thing, and not as good as say an orange or a bag of oranges — or a pair of oranges in sack. I think we know what I’m talking about. [Read more]

I recently had the misfortune of speaking with a highly ranking NOW member. At least that’s what she said. She couldn’t, however, explain to me exactly how one could rank highly in an organization like NOW. It’s like being a captain of the Swedish Submarine Brigade or the CEO of Armpit Fart Noises Inc. Seriously, what the fuck?

I raised several valid points about women being catastrophes and hazards to have in any level of government or under employ in any position where showcasing their sexuality was not the main job skill. I’m not talking about just prostitutes either. There are plenty of jobs where women exploit their sexuality: sales ladies, bar ladies, school teachers.

Why the fuck else would so many women teach? Because it’s easy? [Read more]

If you want to experience the pain in the ass of a woman using your bathroom, just take a bucket of water and throw it all the fuck over the place. Then drag a wet towel all over your house.

What the fuck is women’s problem? How can they remember to close the curtain every single fucking time they take their clothes off, but not when it means turning my bathroom into Crocodile Mile. [Read more]

I know I’ve already covered the topic of the fast food Drive Thru, but I’m doing it a different way this time. As a man I can do anything I want in multiple ways. That’s how we men avoid fucking things up like drunken octopi with tack hammers duct taped to their tenaculars. We try things in different ways.

The only things women can do, they do in only one way. That’s not only ineptitude, it’s laziness; and in some societies it’s called the Seven Year Itch — when men get sick of coming home from a long day at work just to have sex with a futon. [Read more]