Women absolutely hate having sex with me. Sometimes, before the “doing it” even starts, they want it to be over. After a roll in the hay with yours truly, a woman feels dirty, degraded, disgusted, damaged, demeaned, and most importantly, sore as fuck.

They hate it. And after a week, she’ll feel even worse.

Yet years later, this same woman won’t be able to turn it down. She’ll cancel plans for it. She’ll lie to her best friends for it. Stand back. Dick Masterson is about to blow your mind with some Man Zen.

Women hate sex and are also simultaneously addicted to it.

When it comes to understanding women, it’s important to remember one thing: women are not men. Women couldn’t be men if they tried. Could you imagine a bunch of women hoisting an American flag on the hilltops of Iwo Jima? I could. But only if they were all in bikinis and it was like that 70’s movie Heavy Metal.

1. All women hate sex.
2. All women are cheating whores.
3. If you think that’s a contradiction, you’re either a woman, a virgin, or you’re wasting your time pleasuring women for no reason. That’s a loss of Man Points.

Women are supposed to hate sex.

Women like to be ignored because they don’t want to feel the pressure of having to say something smart. Imagine a five pound bag packed with ten pounds of shit. That’s a woman’s brain. It’s under an extreme amount of pressure, and full of more shit than it can handle. When you let a woman know that her brain is not what’s important to you, you’re dumping out all that shit and bringing her some sweet relief.

Nothing in Cosmo is meant to make women smarter. So don’t appreciate a woman for something she’s not trying to be. No one hires a prostitute to play Hamlet. No man wants to fuck a woman to make her feel good. When I take a shit, I don’t ask the toilet why it seems distracted.

Women don’t want to be pleasured in bed. They want to be used like a tool. It’s how they’ve evolved. Treating a woman like crap is not like treating a man like crap. Women need it to feel good about themselves.

Men base our self-worth on the money we make, the ass we kick, and number of people’s opinions we don’t give a fuck about. Women, however, base their self-worth on how much pleasure they bring men. That’s why Paris Hilton is so popular among women and why make-up exists. That’s why women worship Tinkerbelle. She can make men fly.

And she doesn’t have to take a shower afterwards.

The truth is, if a woman doesn’t hate sex with you, you’re doing it wrong. Yes, women hate sex. Yes, women hate sex with me — especially with me. And yes, women are all whores.

That’s Man Zen.

Women only deserve anal.

This entry was posted under Myths and Lores.