Does science know for certain that women’s vaginas aren’t causing global warming?

I doubt it.

Think about it. Women’s vaginas smell ridiculous. That’s gotta be bad for the environment somehow. Until I read a study saying otherwise, that’s what I’m going with. It’s common sense.

Sleeping in a freshly painted closet is bad for you. I don’t need any science to tell me that. I just need my nose. The nose knows. That’s how I feel about vaginas.

Cows are wrecking the environment somehow. They produce ungodly amounts of methane. I don’t need any fucking science to know that ungodly amounts of chemicals is a bad thing for Mother Nature. Just look at any woman over fifty with a Botox addiction. That’s the face of a mature lady with a chemical problem.

Ask any scientist and he’ll tell you the following. There’s a whole lot of shit around the Earth that keeps sun beam death rays from from melting us. Instead, they bounce off and hurtle harmlessly into space, like women and their shameless sexual advances on me after reading everything I say on this website. That shit is called the atmosphere when it’s on the Earth and self respect when it’s on yours truly.

Well some people say the atmosphere is getting fucked with. That means there’s a problem. If I know anything, it’s that when there’s a problem, some woman is causing it somewhere. Either she’s clicked a bunch of pornography on your computer and fucked it up, or she’s ruined yet another one of your shirts by washing it improperly or spilling bleach all over all of your shorts. That’s why men aren’t grateful for the chores women do. Eventually they fuck up all your stuff in some stupid way and it all evens out.

It’s like insurance. I don’t send Geico a Christmas present for replacing my car stereo. I don’t thank women for the same reason.

Women and their vaginas are probably either ruining the ozone layer or contributing to the Greenhouse Effect. I don’t see how no one thought of this before.

Exhibit A

Women have separate cleaning products for their fucking vaginas. There’s no special penis soaps. And if there are, please let me know about them because it sounds like I might be missing out on something.

Does Tag Body Spray have special penis soaps? They ought to with their fucking commercials with women flying out of everywhere like Spiderman and tackling guys wearing perfume. That’s not manly at all. Those commercials are designed to sell women that shit.

Exhibit B:

I researched for hours and could not find a single shred of evidence that did not link women’s vaginas to any detrimental effects that might be currently taking place on the environment and the atmosphere. I did, however, find numerous complaints about vaginas in general.

When you move into a crappy apartment, you might see some cracks in the wall and some peeling paint, but for every problem you do see there are a thousand you don’t.

Women can’t drive, women can’t behave, women got Joey Buttafuoco thrown in prison. I’m seeing a lot of problems here, but what am I not seeing?

You guessed it.

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