I’m going to conclude my week’s presentation of the world’s manliest man men with the manliest man man of all.

You.

You’re a man and that means you have a dick and balls (most probably). It also means you have that in common with every other great person in history who’s ever done a fucking thing. How awesome is that! Women can’t say shit like that. The only thing women share traits with is a cheeseburger. I think we all know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about cows and women being like them. Cheeseburgers are made from cows.

As a man, did you know that you have collectively fucked over 10 billion women? That’s because you’re a man and you share. Some of them were super hot and for that you get a thousand Man Points. Some of them were ugly as shit too, which only gives you ten thousand Man Points. You’re a man. You can’t lose.

Women don’t share shit. Women compete like jackals over every little thing in their fucking lives. Have you ever seen a woman gloat an engagement ring over her harpy, fat-fuck friends? Disgusting. And women who agree and think it’s disgusting also are even more fucking disgusting for selling out their own. Go fuck yourselves, female misogynists.

If it were the other way around and women had to buy men engagement rings, then men would sell them and buy beer for all their man friends because jewels are silly and stupid and are also mined by slaves.

You know who abolished African slavery like 200 years ago? Men did. That means you also did because you’re a man. That’s how it works. Ask a feminist. She’ll tell you between shoving bear crawlers down her flabby fuck-off throat and regaling you with retarded anecdotes about her pet shit-rat named Frumpy Shits or some stupid ass thing. Women can’t name dogs for shit.

Women build their whole lives around Africans being slaves. Do some research into diamonds before you say ‘I do’. Or just consult the manliest man you know: yourself.

All men know anything and everything about all things that they’ve ever done. That’s why men don’t have to think about anything. That’s why you don’t even have to think to know that I know what I’m talking about; because you’re the manliest man who has ever been.

I’m also just man-joking. The manliest man in the world is Kenny Powers. He broke his back jumping the St. Lawrence River in a Lincoln Continental with a jet strapped to the boot.

He made it with ten miles to spare.

See the jump (only if you’re a man)

This entry was posted under Wallow in It.