I’m kicking off a week of articles on manly man men today. Manly man men who excel in the field of manness at all times; not only above and beyond my own man standards (mandards), but by kicking the shit out of theirs as well.

That’s what being a man is all about: surprising yourself. I surprise myself ten times a day at least.

I’ve also surprised myself by starting this week of articles on a Friday. Do you think a week of Manly Man Men could be contained in 7 days? I don’t fucking think so.

On Wednesday, Steve Wynn ripped a $139 million dollar Picasso painting he had just sold to a fellow art collector. Do you know what the first thing he said was after he ripped it?

‘Oh shit. Look what I’ve done.’

That’s 70 Man Points right there. 20 for swearing and 50 for admitting he fucked up. When men fuck up (which is rarely), they admit it right away. If a woman had ripped the painting — and I don’t know how that would be possible because no man on Earth would ever let a woman near a Picasso of that size. Women have no delicacy at all. Feel the top of your head. It’s lumpy because your mother dropped you at least once when you were a child. But if a woman had ripped the painting, this is what she would have said.

‘This painting is not ripped.’

No matter how many television crews or people will eyeballs were there to tell her otherwise. I’ve been standing by a parked car and shouting ‘Stop!’ as a woman backed right the fuck into it. You know what she said when the car ground to a halt?

‘I didn’t do that.’

The second thing Steve Wynn said after he ruined the painting was:

‘Thank goodness it was me.’

That’s 139 million man points and what launches the casino magnate into the Man Halls of Man Fame. It’s not because he’s taking responsibility, but in one sentence and over the course of five seconds, Wynn has empathized with everyone on Earth who is not him. That’s a shitload of people.

Look at that sentence carefully. Thank goodness it was me. Thank goodness it wasn’t some other non-casino owning jackass who would now have a 139 million tonne albatross of debt hanging off his neck. Thank goodness it was me, the one person who can now invalidate the sale (which he did) with no feelings of being swindled.

Steve Wynn and the would be buyer of the Picasso breathed a sigh of relief. Not because Wynn took responsibility — everyone knew he was going to do that, but because he is a man. A woman would have fucked this up and completely embarrassed herself. It happens every day.

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