Here’s a myth that has beguiled even the most brilliant of business men over the last decade:

You have to be successful to stay in business.

Not at first obviously. Businesses can’t be like men and just start kicking ass right out of the gate like champion thoroughbred horses. Businesses are more like women — that’s why men and business go together so perfectly and why a woman can’t ever properly satisfy a business in bed. They just don’t have the right equipment: brains.

Businesses are like women because they have to be pushed, prodded, and/or purchased into doing anything and everything. Since businesses are so much like women, it seems obvious that, like women, if they don’t start performing in timely accord, they get their fat asses ka-chucked to the dumpster. Not so.

If you just wiped your ass with two million dollars of dot com stock that hasn’t sent you an investors’ update in two years, don’t do anything drastic. I’m only talking about the WNBA.

In America, basketball is as big a deal as rugby and designing fuel efficient cars is for the rest of the world. Unfortunately, like most American past times — like democracy, American basketball has been befouled by women.

I was in Los Angeles recently and was caught up in an Earthquake of bullshit! The big news? A hideous woman “slam dunked” a basketball! That means she jumped up into the air and pushed a basketball downward through a hoop. Armed with the prejudice of women being completely full of shit at all times, I investigated this “miracle” as though sent by some kind of Man-Vatican — a Manatican. What I found would surprise no man. A woman did not dunk any fucking basketball. What actually happened was a woman dunked a miniaturized version of an American basketball.

Go look it up. The WNBA uses a smaller fucking ball without a giant fucking disclaimer. And that’s because women have no integrity. They’re like magicians who don’t want to even admit anything was a trick and want double the pay for doing so. Fuck you.

How about a five-year-old lobbing a football through a three foot hoop at fifty paces with his eyes closed. Is that a “slam dunk” too? Is that what America is up to these days? Is it called a “slam dunk” if you make it through the end of a yellow light before it turns red? Do women get on the news for that too? Where do we draw the line if blue piggy ribbons are awarded to any woman who can drop an orange through a net?

The answer is, “who fucking cares because the WNBA hasn’t made a dime and never will.”

The WNBA is like sugar and low income housing. Everyone hates it and it would disappear like nothing if the fuck wasn’t subsidized out of it.

Men’s basketball has dumped 12 million dollars into the female mockery of itself this year alone.

What’s the answer to the myth then? Business don’t need to make money to stick around, they can also just shut women the fuck up — but then that’s worth more than gold.

Read about ugly women who are too stupid to be feminists

This entry was posted under Myths and Lores.