A lot of people will tell you women are no good after the age of 30. It’s called a shelf life; the age at which the utility of a woman — the benefits of starting a relationship with her — no longer outweigh the staggering and nearly Herculean downsides. The second the clock strikes 12 on that fateful day, a woman’s skin wilts and her hands turn into wax paper. It’s not a pretty sight.

The real question is: is it true? Are women really that bad after 30? Should they be avoided at all costs?

No. Women’s shelf life isn’t 30. It’s 23. [Read more]

Women hate everything and anything that’s great in the world.

Drinking? Women hate the fuck out of that. That’s why they invented bullshit campaigns about drinking and driving. Where’s the MADD coalition? Mothers Against Daughters Driving. That would save some goddamn lives.

How about fun? Yea, women hate that. They hate fun so much they haven’t even figured out how to pee standing up. Men do that when they’re like two years old.

It turns out women and their Great-Hate of anything and everything great extends (like most things women do) into the realm of complete absurdity. Women also hate boobs. [Read more]

I was walking through an airport recently and I saw the following headline on a shitty magazine:

“What do Men Really Think About Boob Jobs?”

I was filled with dismay. Of course a question like this wouldn’t be on a men’s magazine. First of all, men’s magazines don’t phrase their headlines so fucking stupidly. What do men really think about boob jobs? I don’t know, why the fuck don’t you just say what they think on the front so I actually give a shit about reading the why’s and how’s. That’s called marketing, you fucks.

But that’s not the way it was. This was Oprah. [Read more]

I was sent the following question by a reader Mark.

“It’s pretty much inevitable that I’m going to have to deal with woman coworkers someday. In these times where women almost always have the legal upper-hand, what advice would you give to young people entering the job market?”

Believe me I have plenty of advice for young people. I’m a man so good advice shoots out of my mouth like a bee hive packed full of honey. [Read more]

Recently woman golfing phenom Michelle Wie tried to qualify for the PGA Tour. The PGA Tour is where men go to play golf. That’s right, I said men. Wait a minute, you say, Michelle Wie is a 16-year-old woman! Doesn’t that mean she completely fucked up and most likely embarrassed herself?

Yes it does! [Read more]

People are always asking me what the qualities of the perfect wife are. Mostly men. That’s because women don’t give a fuck about what makes a perfect wife.

Have you ever seen a “romantic” comedy? I say “romantic” because what it should be is “woman” comedy — and by woman I mean “shitty” or “not a”. Those bullshit movies are all about how horrible and fucking stupid women can behave whilst the right thing to do is staring them in face like a Stop sign, and how some poor schmuck with a job that lets him loaf around town all day doing nothing can be guilted into putting up with getting fucked over for two hours and calling a spade with a shrew nose a fucking prize pig by the end of it all.

Maybe instead of romantic comedies they should be called documentaries. [Read more]

Have you ever heard of a thing called evolution?

Of course you have. You’re a man and all men have heard of pretty much everything having to do with science; just ask your nearest man.

“Have you heard of such and such that has to do with science?”

“Yes. I’m pretty sure I have. Why don’t you tell me a little more about it.”

Mantastic. [Read more]

Women have a real problem when it comes to speaking. The problem is that they do it. If women could just keep their fucking mouths shut, they wouldn’t get into any trouble in the first place.

Say goodbye to wife battery, say goodbye to mugging probably, say goodbye to violence against women in general.

Women can’t shut the fuck up though. But you can’t ever hear them either, so what the fuck? [Read more]