I was sitting in my favorite chair yesterday evening drinking a glass of Black Label and ruminating on the myths in our society. One struck me as being especially ridiculous.

Marriage.

‘Marriage,’ I scoffed — or at least I’m sure that I did. And any man will do exactly the same if he’s not afraid of having his balls ripped off by someone who has just finished a grueling 20 hour work week. I’m talking about women. Millionaires aren’t in the habbit of ripping balls off when people say the most obvious goddamn thing in the world. [Read more]

Men are better than women at being coach potatoes. As a man I can tell you that this is certainly true. Whenever a woman sits on a couch she is the same frail ball of nerves and neuroses that she was behind the wheel or when she tried to “help” a man do goddamn anything at all.

When a man sits on a couch, however, he is one thing and one thing only — totally relaxed. That’s why a woman should never talk to a man if he’s sitting on the couch. Not only is she shrill, annoying, full of shit, and has nothing of worth to talk about; but that man is so relaxed right then he has actually relaxed his hearing completely. As a man, that’s his prerogative. [Read more]

It’s winter time and that means it’s the season for many of man’s favorite things. Tight sweaters (for obvious reasons), loose sweaters (for putting on those extra pounds), and fire.

I was starting a fire just last night when it occurred to me. I have never seen a woman start a fire.

I don’t think a woman ever has. [Read more]

I mentioned at some point in the not so distant man-past that a woman’s brain works better while it’s being consumed by venereal disease. That was only half true though. It turns out that women’s brains also work much better while they’re pregnant!

Again we see that good old Napoleon had women pegged from the get go.

“Women are only meant for making babies.” -Napoleon

And now science supports that claim. It’s like when you read about ancient astronomers who figured out the distance from the Earth to the moon using only telescopes and their wits. That’s Napoleon and sociology. He was a prophet. [Read more]

Men are better than women at crossing the street. Crossing the goddamn street.

At some point in the grand discourse of men and their being better than women, it’s not the new techniques which women employ to make spectacles and embarrassments of themselves. It’s the way their natural incompetence manifests itself in daily life. Or is that at every point in the discourse? Who cares.

Take something like a bag of shit. We can all agree that a bag of shit is a vile and bad thing, and not as good as say an orange or a bag of oranges — or a pair of oranges in sack. I think we know what I’m talking about. [Read more]

It’s a little known fact that 100% of “lesbian” relationships are abusive. I saw a Law and Order: Criminal Intent on the subject just last week. It raised some interesting questions in my sub-manconscious. That’s the male only version of the subconscious that does more than think about penises and wishing it had one. It thinks about getting the fucking job done.

Men are better than women at beating women. Don’t believe me? I have a quick way to fix that. [Read more]

How can I tell if the woman I’m with is a slut?

I get asked a lot of questions about women, especially by men. After all, when someone goes to the trouble of making business cards that say “MenAreBetterThanWomen”, they must know what they’re talking about. And I do.

Of them all, this is the question that comes up the most, “How can I tell if my date is a slut.” That’s why I’m going to start my new column “Ask Dick” off with this boffo box office best-seller.

There are three easy ways you can tell if a woman is a slut. [Read more]

I recently had the misfortune of speaking with a highly ranking NOW member. At least that’s what she said. She couldn’t, however, explain to me exactly how one could rank highly in an organization like NOW. It’s like being a captain of the Swedish Submarine Brigade or the CEO of Armpit Fart Noises Inc. Seriously, what the fuck?

I raised several valid points about women being catastrophes and hazards to have in any level of government or under employ in any position where showcasing their sexuality was not the main job skill. I’m not talking about just prostitutes either. There are plenty of jobs where women exploit their sexuality: sales ladies, bar ladies, school teachers.

Why the fuck else would so many women teach? Because it’s easy? [Read more]