Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Like every other saying there is about women being great or having any skills that don’t involve wanton promiscuity, the above is complete horseshit. It’s like this. Remember when everyone was always talking about how great Krispy Kreme doughnuts were. You couldn’t make it from your car to your desk without hearing about how they melt in your mouth or the exact amount of time to microwave them before the Great Gorging — I don’t know what the analogous scenario is for women. It’s probably they couldn’t make it through an entire Oprah commercial block, while sitting on their fat asses at home, without actually downing doughnuts by the handful or at least without thinking of bathing in the doughy goodness. Who cares.

The point is that the doughnuts are good, sure, but they’re just doughnuts. Just like women and scorn. A woman may get pretty pissed off, but what can she do? She’s just a woman. [Read more]

Everyone has heard stories of people who decide at the last minute not to take a flight and then the plane crashes into a train or someone brought a pipe bomb on board or something like that and everyone dies spectacularly — everyone except the person who didn’t get on the plane that is.

Those stories are all complete bullshit and every man in the world knows it. They’re like ghosts and astrology and Elvis sightings; just a bunch of lame and obtuse fabrications of non sequitur minds that allow women to live their lives according to unreliable, intangible signs that only they can see or interpret. Like Groundhog’s Day in the dark.

Did the groundhog see his shadow? Who cares, I’m pregnant!

What is not bullshit is that I will do exactly that on one condition; I will refuse to take a flight at the last minute on one condition: if a woman is flying the plane.

The reason I haven’t missed a flight yet is because there are no women pilots. [Read more]

Once upon a time there was a shitload of penguins that lived in Antarctica. One day every year all the penguins would get together and have sex with each other. Eggs would be born and everyone knows what happens next.

The women assume that they are done, fuck off completely, go and eat to their hearts’ content while their mate starves, and don’t come back until they are so bloated on fish carcass they can barely walk. Needless to say, their demeanors have not improved.

Sound familiar? [Read more]