Everyone knows the old saying, “Don’t let a bald man cut your hair.” It sticks because the guy’s bald and that’s funny first of all, but it’s also poignant. Having no hair of his own for who knows how long, the bald man has probably lost some of his touch when it comes to dealing with your foliculas. Or perhaps he has seen the light of the Chrome Dome — and enjoyed some of the more esoteric benefits of the bald life-style, and will now attempt to convert you without your consent. Whatever happens, you’re not getting your fucking hair cut.

Today I propose a similar saying for posterity which is based on the same theme: someone with no frame of reference, no experience, and no fucking clue at all shouldn’t be doing something that will result in the failure and sabotage of another.

Here it comes…

Never ask a fucking woman for relationship advice! [Read more]

Unlike women, men can be a whole shit load of things over the course of their lives — and all without relying on government quotas or miniskirts. To men that’s an important difference.

We can accelerate in academia for one, we can also become top businessmen in sharp looking suits, or we can simply be good parents. That’s our prerogative as men: whatever we want and however we want to do it.

However, while exercising so much responsibility, we men, from time to time, can also be wrong.

Not in the way that women are wrong, of course. The way a man can be wrong is like placing the fork and knife on the wrong side of the plate. Who cares, everyone still eats. The way that women are usually wrong is by throwing the flatware in the pool, burning dinner, and then playing the period card like its Uno.

Uno! Great. As if women have ever had more than one card. [Read more]

Men are a lot like dogs. That’s right, that’s what I said. Talk to any woman about anything and eventually she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.

Men are dogs.

Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.

If men are dogs, then women are drunken parrots with The Home Shopping Network and a credit card on speed dial. That’s why men are better pet owners than women; because the only things women know how to do are squawk and peck. [Read more]

Making up his mind is one of the most powerful tools in a man’s Man Bag. With it we have put men on the moon, we have won Super Bowls even though the point spread was hugely against us, and we have cured Syphilis for all genders. A made up man-mind equals determination and determination in a man’s man-world equals progress. It’s called logic.

Part of the reason why you can open a history book and have zero chance of finding a woman on the page is that women can never make up their fucking minds on anything. Ask a woman any question at all, from what she wants for lunch to whether or not she wants to actually retire from the Supreme Court or just jerk the media around and get a bunch of women’s lib attention. Each time you ask, she’ll give you a completely different answer. [Read more]

Bobby Riggs was a man of class, honor and integrity; and he was also a fine athlete of tennis. Ranked as the best tennis player in the world at the age of 21, Riggs would go on to win consecutive singles championships in the 40’s, was inducted into the Tennis Hall of Fame in 1951 and became a household name just like Tiger Woods. He later dedicated a large part of his life to education — education about cancer, tennis, and education about men being better than women.

“Any half-decent male player could defeat even the best female players.”

That is a quote from Bobby Riggs in 1973. It was true then. It’s true today. It doesn’t even have to be about tennis. [Read more]