You know, I’m seriously sick of all this Marie Curie nonsense.

Men, let me tell you one thing that I know as 100% fact. Marie Curie was not some fucking super scientist that saved all women from the brink of total historical irrelevance. Women can’t be scientists; plain and simple. It’s not in their blood.

What she actually was — just like every other successful woman in history — was an opinionated, bray-hard, nag ninny with a penchant for stealing the work of her diligent husband.

Marie Curie was the Courtney Love of the 1920’s. [Read more]

You know what I think is hilarious: that the only successful woman pimp ever — Heidi Fleiss — was so inept that she went to prison and nearly sullied the reputation of one of the greatest thespians of the 20th century. One Charlie “The Green Machine” Sheen.

By the way, when I say “successful”, I mean successful in the way that a woman can be successful, by sleeping her way to the top and dodging the karma tornado of ineptitude for as long as possible.

Ultimately, success for a woman is having the new high score for Most Years Without Fucking Up. I think the record is like two. Princess Di probably holds it too. I don’t really know. I don’t give a shit. [Read more]

Recently a series of unfortunate events has led me to a phenoMANol new invention. But before I discuss it in detail, I want to describe the misfortunes that befell me and led to its discovery. As all you men can clearly tell, what I am about to do is not ‘bitching about my bad day’ — a common woman practice that involves a monotonous screed of easily predictable follies and failures that plague a woman’s life.

What I’m doing is sharing the experiences that led to this great new invention: The Man Bag. [Read more]

All men know that women are terrible at the communication. We see it every day in the form of women dressing like blatant prostitutes when they claim to be the exact opposite — not prostitutes.

That’s bad communicating.

We also see it when we see women screaming like frantic savages in the workplace or in the home after they screw something up. While they’re tearing their hair out and trying to stretch their nostrils as wide as their eyes and their eyes as wide as their mouths and their mouths as wide as a toilet, what they’re actually trying to say is this:

“I’m sorry. You’re actually totally right. How could I have possibly fucked up this badly again?”

The answer is simple elementary, my dear. You’re a woman. [Read more]

If I could go back in time and invest in something that would make me millions of Pounds Sterling, it would be this:

If there’s ever any kind of man-sanctuary from women’s constant BS (bullshit), it will immediately be overrun and ruined by women.

That’s a rock fucking solid investment. And it’s been true since the first primitive man said to himself, ‘Fuck. Woman are annoying.’ Then made a crude caveman type sign that said, ‘No fucking women allowed in this cave today.’ Then found himself ass deep in women.

That’s how women operate. They’re like locusts. They have no respect for anything — especially themselves. [Read more]

There’s a hilarious show coming out this fall on ABC that I’m really looking forward to. It’s called Commander in Chief. And it’s about a delightfully mismatched pair of political pundits who get into all kinds of outrageous, wacky shenanigans.

I haven’t read anything about it, but I’m sure that’s what it’s about. The reason I know is because the show is about a woman (Geena Davis) being president. And if there’s any more fertile ground for outrageousness or shenanigan, then it’s probably got something to do with drunken Leprechauns.

Let me tell you why I will love this show. [Read more]